Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
