I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize