he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
