i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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