my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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