I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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