So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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