So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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