its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
