I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
