Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
