Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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