i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
