maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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