The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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