It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
