I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
