I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
