Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
40s are totally the cure
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
