break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
