I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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