I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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