where does the pee come out of this thing
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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