How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
