Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
His nipple licking is glorious
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