Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My ass is underappreciated
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
