just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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