pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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