He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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