He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
