My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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