I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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