Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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