Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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