Have you finally orgasmed yet?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
