Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
