I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
