I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
