About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
