My first STD was from a foam party
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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