How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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