am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
