i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
