If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize