Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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