how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
