dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
