You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
