Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
