I think my vagina is haunted
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Randomize
