this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
