Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I believe in your delicious
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
