It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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