Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
did you just send me my own nude
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
