The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
