i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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