Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
