The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
