cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
