I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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