Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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