we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
