he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
