He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
