I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
