i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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