if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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