We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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