I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
