I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
