Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
