He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
