Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
