I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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