i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
