I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
