dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
