just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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