it hurts more in the daytime
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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