so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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