u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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