I'm really into asian looking animals
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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