sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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