hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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