That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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