Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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