Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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