no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
if only i could text you this smell
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
