I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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