Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
