hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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