There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
