that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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