I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
