Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
