i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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