Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
