I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
