Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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