i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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