Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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