So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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