My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just cropdusted the office
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
