You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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