I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
