Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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