They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
