you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
