put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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